Reproductive Access

AITAH for cutting my parents off after a family vacation? I (24M) lost my brother (19M) to a vehicle accident three years ago. It was DEVASTATING as you could imagine. From his death, my parents received $19k from insurance. With some of this money, my mother decided to take a cruise. This sounds nice, but my mother is a narcissist. Not self absorbed or just rude but a full blown clinical narcissist. My dad is avoidant in an extreme way. These statements describing my parents could have 24 years of history and more. I decided to maintain contact because it had not set in how much damage they caused me. Anywho… This is the trip details. 7 day cruise. My parents, my brother and sis in law, my wife, and I would be joining. The theme was basically a healing family bonding trip. It was anything but. My parents aren’t wealthy nor are my wife and I. My brother and sis in law have some wealth for their age but are not “rich”. Why does this matter? My wife and I were on a tight budget and couldn’t not afford to go on an expensive vacation or really any trip for that matter. However, mom said multiple times, in many ways, “this is an all expense paid trip”. You may see where this is going but lock in with me here. I had hope that considering my parents received a large sum and declared it was all expense paid that maybe it would be so. Just in case we decided to pinch pennies and save extra money for plan B. We agreed to go and prepared for a good time to heal and bond. My brother and I, with our wives, head to the ship and parents went separately and we all made it and arrived on time! We shared laughs and memories the first day and it really felt like this was going to bring our family together. Until the first excursion. We had to pay for excursions the day before and as we were in line to pay my mother asks if we had the money to cover. To say I was furious was an understatement. I kept my cool and said “you told us you were covering everything though”. She scoffs and states “so I guess paying for rooms, meals, and everything else just isn’t enough.” She then walks to my brother and asks “do yall have money because it looks like some people have never traveled before. Maybe I should’ve picked cheaper stuff to do” I then pull us all out of line and try to remain calm. I asked what everyone wanted to do this trip. They all gave input and the cost would come out to 3x what we saved as plan B. So instead we went to our room and crafted the save of the century. One excursion that would cover all of our desires that would be a little less than what we saved up. After a little lip from mom, we all decided it would work. We got back in line to pay and you wouldn’t believe it, but my mother waits until it’s her turn and says “can you cover the bill and I’ll just pay you back later.” In complete shock my sister in law just pays for it. Now you may be asking why neither I nor my brother caused a scene or whatever and you would have to be raised by a narcissist to understand maybe, but we were trying to keep the peace by any means. We go to dinner and discuss the craziness that just took place and she proceeds to bash me for not having enough money and calling me broke while saying my brother has enough money so it shouldn’t matter too much anyway. After push back she just leaves and we didn’t see her until the excursion. She had a BLAST. You would’ve thought nothing ever happened. We tried to reset and have fun again despite the mess and it worked until dinner. She rants about how we don’t care about our brother passing as much as she does and how this trip was to honor him but she’s doing all the work. My dad? Not a word. Ever. My brother has enough and he leaves while I sit slack jawed by what I’m seeing. As my brother leaves my mom declares that she is cutting him from the will and it will be better that way because he has money and I need all I can get. (They have no money btw). We spend the next few days ditching my parents and having fun despite them. I understand that grief can drive a person to crazy things, but I believe a line was crossed. This isn’t the end however. The icing on the cake for me was once we arrived home, I decided to visit my grandmother, my mom’s mother. She was strangely excited to hear of the trip. She poked and i reluctantly told her everything. She looked at me with horror and said “she didn’t spend a dime on this trip. I paid for it all for yall to go. I figured yall would need it”. My parents $0 on the trip. She used my grandmothers kindness as a trap to get glory and to bash us. I haven’t spoken to them since. So… AITAH for cutting them off? Also, my writing skills aren’t too great and I’m not well versed with Reddit so have mercy.

Does IT cause anxiety? Does anyone else bring their IT mindset into everyday life? I’ve been told I’m a negative person and look for issues, but I think working in IT trains you to always think about what could go wrong. I’m constantly making backup plans. Restaurant closed. I have a Plan B place. Something breaks at home. I’ve already got the plumber, insurance, everything ready in the home disaster recovery document. We’re always hearing about IT failures, breaches and disasters. You never hear “this company had a really great IT transformation.” No user submits a ticket to say thank you for the IT working great. So does anyone else find themselves carrying that prepare for the worst mindset into everyday life?

Anyone here jump right to donor eggs? 30F here, plan A is to get married and have kids the old fashioned way, plan B is to pursue becoming a SMBC in the next 5 years if I don’t meet the right guy. I have never frozen eggs but have had baseline testing done for it in the past. I know I want to be a mom more than I want to do just about anything and have been on this sub pretty consistently for the last 6+ mos. So my AMH sucks (currently 0.8, was as low as 0.5 a couple of years ago) and I’ve had FSH between 7-16, which from the homework I’ve done would likely make me a poor responder to IVF/egg freezing. I also have bipolar disorder, and while I’m very stable now, I’m concerned the whole process of egg retrieval and the hormones involved would be very destabilizing for my mood (yes I know pregnancy would also be very destabilizing lol, but I can worry about that in 5 years once I’ve had more time stable under my belt, as I was just diagnosed with bipolar last year). I would also hate to spend 20k on egg freezing with the possibility of only retrieving 1-2 eggs, which I know is possible with my numbers. All of the above being said, I’m considering freezing embryos with both donor eggs + sperm within the next year so to have as a safeguard should I be single in 5 years and want to pursue this path (this also gives me some time to be more established in my career/save more money). While I would prefer the child to be genetically mine, I also know that they run the risk of inheriting bipolar disorder from me, and that’s something I wouldn’t wish on my kids (though I would love the shit out of them regardless, my point being though I’m not overly attached to my genes). And again, the whole idea of going through the egg freezing process is just scary and a lot to wrap my head around. Just curious if anyone on here had gone right to donor eggs versus using their own? If so, do you have any regrets or any words of insight?

How much do you actually spend every month? Hi, I’m 23 F hoping to move out of my parents house when I’m 25, mainly for independence and freedom and for more opportunities building my business in my own space (very limited at home). Also I’m thinking around the GTA, maybe Oakville area. I’m not a big spender and very much a homebody, I do most self care myself at home (nails, hair, etc.), I cook at home majority of the time. I go to restaurants maybe 3x a month. Entertainment/road trips once in a while. Car is paid off so I just pay $330 ish insurance for that a month and $50 for phone bill. I’m curious **how much people actually spend, earn and save every month on everything** (rent alone, utilities, car, personal, home, etc.)?!? What’s a good amount to be saving every month for savings and future growth? My main goal is saving for a downpayment on a house (with my future husband in a few years hopefully or plan b is a condo/tiny home by myself) and overall my future.

Guys... Should my partner get a vasectomy after the baby? My partner and I are having one daughter in December and him and I are cool with just one kid. He says he doesn't want any more kids after her and seems pretty set on this. Haven't heard him double back on it once. Previously he's kind of switched it up multiple times in our relationship, flopping between REALLY wanting kids, to not wanting kids, to specifically asking if he could get me pregnant multiple times while intoxicated or late at night. Especially after saying he didn't want kids. 💀 Crazy work tbh to ask that casually, my answer was no, maybe in a couple of years. 😂 We talked about getting a vasectomy before and at first in our relationship his answer was hell no but just like his opinion with kids he has flip flopped multiple times. However, seems like he's pretty satisfied just having the one daughter. Personally, although my pregnancy has been super easy I'm all good too. Also, I don't want to take plan B in the future or any other kind of birth control but I don't want more than one kid. I feel like I should maybe talk to him a more about getting the vasectomy after I give birth. I really don't really see the problem with getting a vasectomy and personally knowing how invasive and hard birth is and raising a kid if I was a guy I would have gotten it at 18 and just gotten it reversed before having a kid. Kinda crazy work to me that more guys don't. Edit: Also, walking the talk, when I'm old enough for it not to result in early menopause I fully plan on getting tubal coagulation. If anybody else has talked to their partners about vasectomies any advice?

pregnant in college hello everyone. i am a 19 year old in college, will be 20 next month. i seem to have gotten myself into quite the situation and really just need advice/success stories from anyone who was in a similar position as me. i met my boyfriend in april, and we hit it off really quickly. when we started dating i was on the nexplanon, but i already had an appointment to get it out for the end of april. once i got that out, there was a 2-ish week window where i was on no birth control. i started birth control pills while waiting for an appt to get an IUD put in. i ended up missing a few days while me and my bf were on vacation, but didn't think much of it. long story short, i ended up getting multiple positive pregnancy tests + OB confirmed earlier this month. at first i was honestly really excited b/c i've had insane baby fever for the longest time. however, the longer this goes on & the more i think about it, the less sure i am about everything. first of all, me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 months... we barely had anytime to get to know each other before i ended up pregnant & now everything is different with all these hormones + a baby on the way. second of all, i'm about to start my 3rd year of college AND i'm in nursing school. school has always been my #1 priority. i do REALLY good in school and i'm really not interested in having to put my education on pause for a baby. third of all, i'm not even 20 yet. i've had such a fun 2 years in college just living my life. being able to do whatever i want whenever i want. parties, bars, friends, drunk nights, and everything else that comes with being a college-age girl. so much has already had to change for this baby, including my roommate of a year moving out of our apartment & my bf of not even 3 months moving in. the issue is... i got a little too excited upon first finding out about the pregnancy & already told my family. i do live in a state where abortion in legal, but everyone seems to excited & supportive. sometimes i think about having the baby & it seems like it will all be fine, but sometimes I think about having this baby and i just breakdown in tears. i don't think i'm ready emotionally, mentally, or honestly physically. don't get me wrong, my bf is a great guy & has been so supportive. he's genuinely excited for the baby, but i barely know him. i dont think i was ready for all this so soon. i really just don't know what to do at this point. i haven't stopped crying about it all for 2 weeks now. also would like to mention i'm about 6-7 weeks along at this point. i've thought about an abortion but i would hate to do that to my boyfriend & my family. i really don't know what to do. i already feel like i'm losing myself to this baby. i've been so incredibly sick ALL the time. i can't stop crying, and all my relationship dynamics have changed. i think i was blinded at first by what i thought being a mom would be like. all i was thinking of was a cute baby, not everything that came with it (hello, because im 19!!!). i dont know if this situation is relatable at ALL for anyone out there, but please give advice if you can!